Sunday, November 14, 2010

From celebration..to a hectic work week.. to an angry weekend..to realisation...


We celebrated Elton's one year old birthday at Four Seasons. Theodore had great fun and completely forgot about milk until about an hour later. He played and played, and then finally called for milk, and then knocked out.

I went back to the office to help my father this week. So much has changed in the firm. I started a schedule of feeding Teddy at 6am, pumping milk at 6:30am, again during lunch time and rushing off at 4pm to come home (pump again), or feed him if I come back in time. Then I will prepare his solids and feed him. It does sound like a crazy schedule, but wouldnt be possible without the support of my family. I have to sleep at 10pm daily in order to keep up with this..but hah so far I have not found the discipline, especially when Irwin comes home late from work.

Anger. Why. So, the carpets came back after a second wash. The plan was no carpets are allowed to be opened till TD recovers 100% fully. In-laws decided that they would like to open one as they are hosting guests. We had to convince them again not to..why take the risk when we have already put in so much effort to get rid of the allergens. The carpets were not rolled out, but TD's eczema came back just because the carpets were in the house. TD's skin is fine when exposed to carpets in my mum's house, at Four Seasons, and another friend's house..so we concluded that the home carpets can never be rid of Bobby's dander.

In laws were not entirely convinced its the carpets, and asked me to try Oil of Ulan on the baby.. I said 'No'. Then they decided that sometimes allergens will simply disappear and asked us to wait out a few days. That night, I cracked down.. I sobbed. There is no way I can sit back and watch my kid's skin deteriorate. Anyhow, we convinced them to shift those carpets out to a storage place. They agreed, and I couldn't be more relieved.

So, TD's skin had a flare up on Wednesday. Today, MIL used a lot of perfume. The perfume filled the entire house. I wonder why she decided to use so much today? She went to TD's door and said 'Sorry I cannot come in since I just used a lot of perfume'. Shortly after she closed the door, TD was scratching and crying. We quickly bath him but he was still scratching. As I watched my baby's skin getter redder and redder, and a bigger surface area than before - and more steroid all over the body...it really made me fumed. From anger, again I sobbed.

I called my Dad, brother and sms my Mum who is overseas..and told them I would like to move home till TD recovers. Obviously this is not the right environment for TD since TD never had a single flare up for the month we were there. There were a few call exchanges between Dad, Irwin and myself. The gist was, we should try to solve it as a family instead of shifting back.

Desi Lama, currently my FB friend wrote, "please don't attach too much in this world as pit of fire. we can't librate without renunciate this world. great indian and tibtan master told us very importand is renunciation." I wonder if he just read my FB status. Renunciation. I felt calmer.

I then went into the baby's room. Irwin, Sumini and I played with him for a good 20mins and laughed a lot just by looking at his kicking and jumping actions..that took all the pain & sadness away...

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