Life

Back in October 2007 when I was visiting New York, I joined two Australian ladies on a ferry ride to a treat of the Statue of Liberty - a symbol seen many times in movies. Although I did not get off the ferry to explore the island further, it was memorable to witness the monumental work of sculpture.

In the design stage, it was originally supposed to be a lantern and a headdress, which was later refashioned and proposed to be a torch and crown of rays respectively ("Liberty Enlightening the World").

It is not just a statue - liberty comes at a cost as we all know.

On Saturday, I joined my bank's Volunteer Group event to the zoo. We brought about 80 kids to the zoo. I am not sure why they were categorized as requiring volunteer care although they had Care teachers. When I asked the Care teachers why, it was because they generally come from complex family backgrounds and the lower academic strata in Sg - i.e. perhaps on the brim or line of swinging both ways - be good - or turn bad (and join triads perhaps??!)



My family - funny weekend I say - Dad flew off for work. Bro took off for New Zealand, Sis flew off to Dubai for work - oops and Mum is all alone at home.. well I guess it is also a good time for her to do the things she really wants to..









Sunday morning was brilliant. Started off with coffee and toast at the pool; a swim; and lazing around at the pool. In the afternoon a colleague and I brought a Hong Kong visitor for dim sum. We headed to St Regis for coffee after that. Excellent excellent ambience... but the coffee quality was - to my standard disappointing! Hee and we ended the evening with a foot and back massage together...haha teaching the girl to pamper herself since she works sooo hard during the weekdays.


So here I am back home, preparing to start a new week of challenge. I must admit I have not really done my prayers or read religiously this week. I have also ..sigh.. been naughty this weekend... too much texting...oops dangerous maybe?!

The Forbidden Phase...

Its 1130pm...
Seating here by myself in front of the laptop that accompanied me faithfully throughout my one year stint in Tokyo.
Not funny, Mr Gui is not home yet at this hour!
Not a rare moment at this timing...

I had a very interesting lunch with one of the traders this afternoon. So far coffee chats and a meal have really taught me a thing or two. Of significance:

".. Don't be jealous, you are only limited by your imagination!" (although this was related to a travel conversation rather than work)

@ today's lunch, A was telling me how he was recruited and had to fly to London for an interview. He turned down Goldman's attractive offer which many in the industry thought he was mad. If he went to GM, he would have been offered a higher designation and would be heading a team. I thought it was a ridiculous offer at his age. But he says "nothing is ridiculous in this world, just look at Facebook which is now valued at a whopping $15 billion". In my bank, he wasn't offer that but he decided it wouldnt be GM. Still... at a tender age of 3X, I would label him as extremely successful. He repeatedly said, "at the end of the day, its about knowing what you want".

It is not always the man who struggles hardest who gets on in the world. It is the direction as well as the energy of struggle that counts in making progress. To get ahead -- you must swim with the tide. Men prosper and succeed who work in accord with natural forces. A given amount of effort with these forces carries a man faster and farther than much more effort used against the current. Those who work blindly, regardless of these forces, make life diffcult for themselves and rarely prosper. -- Robert Collier

I now know better the formula for career...but who is going to give me some proper guidance on managing a relationship?

Before Nov 15 @ Brooklyn Bridge walk + Times Square....and Now after Nov 15...

Ok, I have been lazy. These are pictures during my vacation in 2007 which I have not posted, and I guess I will not write more about the trip since pictures are supposed to say a thousand words...

Why Nov 15? Well, its the date I got engaged. Thinking back, I had to stroll romantic Brooklyn Bridge alone - well I enjoyed it - but still I was alone. After Nov 15's engagement right now.. I am still alone. If I had more energy I would have written a post "The Frustrations of Loving an Entrepreneur".. well I believe anyone who is dating an entrepreneur now would agree with me on the challenges and compromises required. Its bloody tough.. but what to do... he will say "I am working so hard now because I want to provide for you."... What can you or anyone do about that?!! Ok don't want to spoil the mood of the pictures below. Hopefully calmer by the time I reach the end of the post...

I did read an extract last night - although relating to understanding of the Dharma, I find it applicable to daily life.

Outward Distraction

A distracted mind will not be able to concentrate. To improve our practice, it would be better to minimize activities that may cause us to lose our focus, such as partying, "nightclubbing" and gossiping, as it is very easy for our minds to become attached to objects that attract our six sense of six consciousness, which are our eyes, nose, tongue, ears, touch and mind.

The eye consciousness is attracted to form, which could be objects or the human body. Many of us appreciate the sight of a beautiful man or woman. Appreciation by itself is fine. But when desire and attachment accompany appreciation, this might lead to complications such as martial or relationship problems. Usually, the desire to possess is something due to the eye consciousness. When we see something that we like, it is desire that drives us to possess it. Hence, this makes us work hard for our beautiful houses and cars. However, having worked to hard to acquire the object, once it has been possessed, our euphoria is brief, and the suffering we have in the form of the big loan repayment is long.

So, being easily distracted by objects of the six senses may cause us to act rashly and irrationally.

So we must learn to be less attached to objects, and learn to control our minds.

~ from a Precious Gift by 12th Zurmang Gharwang Rinpoche

I'm trying to be good, you know?


Thats Bergdorf Goodman (BG) on Fifth Avenue. The window displays are all an art by itself. Sorry I don't have a more ideal picture. It is simply a place for sophisticated shopping.. and time to keep your camera in your bag!

I remember walking through the uncluttered displays, organized departments and helpful staff, whilst soaking in the air of sophistication.

Today I received a gift from BG. A gift delicately wrapped up in a silver BG box, and elegantly contrasted with a lilac BG ribbon.

Strangely enough, I felt a little sad/ depressed when I reach home. I am beginning to feel a bit confused about all these. What is the intention? Kind as it is, sweet as it is, caring as it is...shouldn't there be a line? Someone is going to get hurt in the end isn't it?

Another reason that I felt a bit down was because my favourite team-mate wasn't around today..ah i am starting to sound childish... no one to really chat with, no one to say cheers to...

Last week's MR training was really tough too. This paragraph which I also shared with my team-mate brightened me up a little (last week).

A good student must learn to extract the essence of his teacher's teachings like bees extract nectar from the flower. At the same time, the good student must remember to water and look after the flower, as the bee still needs to make honey. - 12th Zurmang Gharwang Rinpoche

I feel uneasy.

Statue of Hercules

Statue of Hercules situated in 5th avenue, NYC, across the street from St. Patrick's Cathedral. Remembering the days when I strolled on the streets of Manhattan alone.

Alone -- yes I was so alone this week. Mr Gui is serving his second week of reservist national service. I started a new routine this week. Slept before 11pm, woke up before 7am, and started work before 8am. I also treated myself to Aroma's and Starbucks coffee to kick-start my hectic work days. Basically it has been a 8am - 8pm work week, with some days starting at 7:30am in fact... and the amazing thing is I don't feel tired! When I used to sleep at midnight, I can sometimes still feel tired the next morning despite clocking eight hours. I guess before 11pm might be the magic hour for me to have a good re-charge. Music has also been one of my key friends this week. I listen to my itunes while showering and till I go to bed (otherwise it is too quiet!!).

Because I work harder now, I think it has also become more important for me to take care of my health. This morning I woke up at 8am and went for a swim (whooo hoo). A pity there was no sun this morning, but I still enjoyed my reading. "Thought, not money, is the real business capital," said Harvey S. Forestone, "and if you know absolutely that what you are doing is right, then you are bound to accomplish in due season."

Thinking about a personal situation I am facing... how would you know for sure if something is clearly right or wrong? Am I dwelling in a state of confusion? Am I at fault? Did I initiate any negative action? Is it desire and ignorance? Am I creating negative actions even if I don't initiate but respond?

Return of Bobby Heng - the VIP at the Tibetan Ceremony

Back track, this was in March 20 2008 - a religious blessing ceremony for Mr Gui & myself.



We are not quite sure who is the VIP. Bobby was just everywhere. Or perhaps the photographers chose him to be the star of the event instead.

Yes thats him, right in the centre.

Us saying thanks at the end of the ceremony.

I think he looks very Tibetan!

He definitely looks "in"!

This week was hectic at work as usual - hence the non-blogging. I however did manage to steal some time this weekend to try to rejuvenate myself. Did brunch with sister, went for yoga alone, foot massage alone and facial with mum. Mr Gui and I managed a Yakiniku dinner and Sunday morning McDonald's breakfast together... okay I have to give him some credit for squeezing time out since he is managing both his workload and a three weeks reservist training with the army.

I read a poem of interest which I shared with my sister and Mr Gui over the weekends ... reproduced here:

There are two kinds of people on earth today,

Just two kinds of people, no more, I say.

Not the good and the bad, for it's well understood

The good are half bad, and the bad are half good.

Not the rich and the poor, for to count a man's wealth

You must first know the state of his conscience and health.

Not the humble and proud, for in life's busy span

Who puts on vain airs, is not counted a man.

No, the two kinds of people on earth I mean

Are the people who LIFT, and the people who LEAN!

Wherever you go, you will find the earth's masses

Are always divided in just these two classes.

And strangely enough, you will find too, I ween,

There's only one LIFTER to twenty who LEAN.

In which class are you? Are you easing the load

Of overtaxed LIFTERS, who toil down the road?

Or are you a LEANER, who lets others bear

Your portion of labor, and worry and care?

- ELLA WHEELER WILCOX

Beauty of Nature

Of course of course, you can't find it in this country.

Thats the beauty of photography - it lets you recall the wonderful memories you once had. These were taken in Karuizawa in Japan.

This week at work had its ups and downs. Up - I had a good half an hour coffee session with a senior management. I was hesitant at first, but I realized the opportunity to hear the wise words from someone who has made it - its priceless. Another up - one of my team-mates is a buddhist. One evening when we were working late till 9pm - I was really miserable. She turned to me and said "Nothing is permanent, not even pain"... I burst out with relief... "You are cool, you are so right"... and quickly I gained back my smile...

Down ... hey actually apart from having to work hard, there wasn't too much of a down to pen down...phew... (maybe my team-mate's advice helped).


I just came back from a Mother's Day celebration with my family. Stepped into the house.. Irwin and I exchanged some quick hugs and pecks, and apologetically he had to leave the house at 930pm on a Sunday evening for work. He would be home by 12am, but it would be another all-night work for him.

This morning, we met shifu today and he gave us a small speech on wisdom. He stresses that in our daily life, if we do not use our wisdom, we cannot differentiate between right and wrong, good and bad. Ultimately, wisdom is the pratice that brings us to full realization. Actions carried out with wisdom, or with a correct understanding of emptiness, will generate extraordinary merits.

Talking about Temptations: Yes it is always around


Here we go again - whether single, attached, engaged or married. How exciting.

A weird topic maybe, but a situation not unexpected. Why would I write about this? Funny enough, today I was chatting with a colleague today and we started talking about temptations. He kinda confessed that he is married but was faced with temptation when he had to travel overseas for work - but anyhow he didn't do anything. He thinks that a situation can become a temptation only in the prescence of alcohol - I beg to differ... more potent is probably the type which does not require the alcohol to spark anything off.

Of course I wasn't going to escape his questioning since he "confessed". I said yes there are temptations but I just have to use my head. I didn't see it coming - but hey temptations around don't stop just because you wear a band on your fourth finger.

J also told me today that her colleague is seeing a married woman. I asked "is he attached?" J: "Yes - to that married woman!"

It is so easy to arrange for the marriage certificate to be signed. At that second when you pen down your signatures, everyone around you claps in joy. A divorce on the other hand is far more complicated. Under section 94 of the Women’s Charter, you cannot apply for a divorce if you have been married for less than three years unless you have the Court’s permission to do so. There are more legal requirements..blah blah - but I won't spend my Tuesday evening writing about such depressing stuff.

Some.. on the other hand... are single.. likes someone else who is also single but doesn't have the guts to pursue it.. Are you kidding me? Please, if you like someone - drop hints, hang out more with the other party - you know things are sure to happen... if not at least you gain a friend or get to know someone better....

On my way out to work today, I prayed at the altar table. If it is a meaningless meet-up, please don't let it happen... Indeed it had to be cancelled at the very last second. phew....

Absolutely


This evening, despite leaving at 715pm, I took a cab home as I am - again exhuasted. The cab driver actually asked "Hmm why are you looking so tired?"

Hmm maybe I am pushing myself too hard? In between pockets of hands-on training time, I would do online webcast training to learn more. When I return home, I read Commodities news on Forbes. But hey the industry is interesting. It is a very volatile product compared to equity, FX or bonds... that makes it very exciting to read about...But since I am absolutely tired, which the taxi driver attested to... I shall stop here.

Mummy - the following paragraphs on Light Offerings are for you - sorry I didn't get back to you..I might as well write it here to remind myself too...

Making Light offerings (Lilian Too)

Light offerings can be candles, electricity lights, or butter (oil) lamps. Before putting on the lights, generate your bodhichitta motivation, and then think of a specific project for which you want blessings for success.

Then as soon as you turn on the lights or light the candles, always say OM AH HUM three times. In general if you do not bless the offerings immediately by saying this three-syllable mantra, they can be unsurped by wandering spirits and then the offerings become obstacles, rather than merit, for your practice.

Massages and sports to tackle weariness


Didn't know how to tackle it. It wasn't easy to switch from a management role to being operational again.

But the commodities market is indeed interesting. For a start, there are many interesting and indepth write-ups available on the internet. Well my direct manager Mr SF thinks that I am making the wrong decision (but of course)... a cliche, but only time will tell if the decision is right.

So comes weekend... of course I was exhuasted from the steep learning curve week. My sister and I were both fed up with feeling exhausted and decided to head to Thomson for a massage. Most places were fully booked, although we eventually managed to squeeze into Tranquility Cove. There was a promotion package S$40 for an hour of foot, head, shoulder and neck massage. I was also very lucky to have met Uncle Goh who was tendering to the massage. He is slightly blind but an extremely experienced and kind man. I gave him a healthy tip as an appreciation of his professionalism. He is old, probably in his 60s? He was in fact panting a little bit since he had to exert strength for the massages... I went home later and took a swim in the evening with Irwin - we were too tired to go out.. (he slept an average of four hours daily this week!)

Sunday - Tennis with Dad & sister... (we had to force Daddy to exercise - he is losing motivation in his exercises he says).. and then facial in the late afternoon with Mum... oops perhaps a weekend of over-pampering.... but I needed it! arrghh I don't want to go to work tomorrow!!

Goodbye Credit, Hello Commodities

I started my controlling career in credit..it has been two years. Today, I rotated to the sexy and all-talked about product - commodities P&L. I left my team. Leaving was somewhat more difficult than I expected - the friendship and gossip gang built up - today I started new bonds with a fresh group of ladies.

Last Friday my team gave me a farewell I didnt expect - a huge lunch (there was no way I could speak with everyone); a bouquet of flowers; a Tiffany pen; and a "Sorry you are leaving card".

Phew it wasn't exactly an easy start today. Totally new product. I would say because oil is easier to relate to in human terms as compared to credit derivatives - the higher the expectation to know and understand. It starts from oil exploration -->Drilling --> Refining... It is a good opportunity to learn.

Hmm but of course I am giving up comforts. The comfort of knowing a product for two years. Being able to knock off at 7-8pm daily. I think with my current team it could go beyond that for at least the first few months.

But I believe I will really learn the business this time. The training materials and market reports are impressive to begin with. Then again, if I have family responsibilities now I will probably not have the guts to give up the comforts of the credit world. Since I do not - well, be prepared for the hard work and late evenings to come.

Robert Collier in his book said "The most important province of your conscious mind is to center your thoughts on the thing you want - Believe that you receive and then shut the door on every suggestion of fear or worry or failure. If you once gain the ability to do that, nothing else is impossible to you." - better remind myself that...

Around the World

That was the 2008 Dinner & Dance theme.

Although I could join my colleagues only at 10pm - I had no regrets running over from Hyatt to Marriot.

After my ROM dinner, I decided that I will leave my newly crowned hubby to go home to pack his suitcase for his Frankfurt trip. I didn't want to miss this year's D&D as I had a lot of fun @ last year's. It was a time to mingle with the colleagues you see daily, without having to think a single thread about workload stress or politics. Agree?

So I survived a pretty decent week without Irwin around. I took vacation on Friday; but ended up helping my dad at his office. Although it was stressful, it cannot beat the tension stress that my family and relatives are facing. My sis asked "Why do we seem to have more problems/ issues than other families?" I replied "Because we care." - Sis: "Thats a nice way to put it." Whatever it is, we are tired out - from the loan issue, to the hospitalization, to the death, to the funeral, settling S's new housing...

Saturday night - I couldnt quite get to sleep and I finished the Delog book. I can't say if I fully comprehend the book 100%, anyway here's a final paragraph from the last chapter - and writing it here just serves as a good reminder for myself.

Delog, Delog Dawa Drolma

The king of destiny made the following commands:

All of you in the world of the living, high or low:
All that is born dies, and all that comes together falls apart.
The final outcome of gathering is dispersal, and the final outcome of rising is falling.
Since nothing in cyclic existence is permanent or stable, do not cling to the seeming permanence of things or fixate on them as true.
Whatever appears to you is like the experiences in a dream; do not be attached to illusory apperances of happiness.
If you want happiness, abandon distraction and laziness.

If you do not wish to suffer, purity the effects of former harmful deeds, and firmly resolve not to commit them again.
The karmic results of positive and negative actions are infallible; do not deny them with empty words.
You will be reborn in a land of darkness that lasts a great aeon.
Those with great desire and avarice will suffer from hunger and thirst in the preta realms for one million eight hundred thousand years.
Those with evil motivation and an obsession with killing will experience the hot and cold hells for many aeons.

Those who are envious and competitive, or who delight in quarreling and strife, will suffer for a long time in the realms of demigods.
Those whose minds are swollen with arrogance and whose good karma is subject to exhaustion will be reborn among gods and will eventually fall from their state.

..Maybe not a good choice for bedtime reading after all..

So...It happened...

On April 4th, a date selected by Lama Shifu, Irwin & I signed the marriage certificate. Sweet, but another significant event was he had to fly off the very next day to Frankfurt for business. In a sense I had a lot of free time since last Friday. I went home over the weekends and showed my curious mum how to chant. Because I had to explain, I began to ponder more. Why is Buddism practice in South East Asia different from that of Tibet?

I worked late for the past two nights - it feels rotten to work late these days - and even more meaningless because I return back to an empty room without Irwin making ridiculous jokes to me daily. oooh now I realize his significance in my life.. Because of the rotten two nights I was really craving for tranquility tonight. Good start - I managed to attend my Body Balance class - got back home at 10pm, and Auntie Gui and I talked non-stop, including Buddism. She introduced a new book to me "Opening the door to Dharma" - timely...

News

Well today is April Fools' Day - we have chosen this date to collect the pre-populated marriage certificate from Registry of Marriage (ROM). We had to meet Mr Lee, Justice of Peace at 11am at his office. Not funny - we actually forgot that we had to go to ROM this morning to bring the certificates to Mr Lee for our pre-ROM counselling (so us!)..so we dashed out of the house and I told Irwin's mum I couldn't eat her specially prepared tea eggs as "we miscalculated the timings again!"

If there is nothing to excite us further, we arrived and was greeted by a lady who asked to see our filing notice...Irwin & I looked shocked "filing notice, filing notice?!" Luckily the lady said "never mind" and gave us a ticket to proceed to the counter. Another lady met us and asked us for our filing notice - sorry we didn't have it. She smiled politely, "Never mind". She asked for our NRICs, including our witnesses - and we went "Huh? NRIC for our witnesses?!" She said "Never mind"...We had to read an oath with our right hand up.. When she pointed the paragraph we had to read individually, we were just shocked (so long?!) so I asked "Can we read it together, its faster"..She said with a smile "No" - but in a "hey can't you tell this is not about efficiency" tone. So we took the declaration & oath without nonsense...

Meeting Mr Lee was even more interesting. He is a very charimastic lawyer and entrepreneur. He first started - trying to induce some fear into us "Are you sure, beyond reasonable doubt (typical of a lawyer) that you wana do it? This is for a lifetime"...Grin * yes... He then took us through what we should say on our Solemization Day - he said we could reply softly Yes I do; or shout out loud - even if all his employees can hear it - its fine. He asked if we wanted to write our own vows because some couples want to express strong words such as "I love you with alllllll my heart and soul" - he said it expressively; but followed by a right hand loud bang on the table - "but you must let me know earlier!" ..."otherwise lets follow this standard wedding vows".

"Then you can exchange the rings, and then clap clap clap. You will then kiss - you can choose to do a quick peck or a do a long kiss - some couples do a really long one - but its really up to you"... He stressed that marriage is a lifetime commitment and no one should walk out in an argument "Don't be the first one to stand up!".

Its just been a humour-infused day for us - I guess thats an important ingredient to keep a relationship going strong!

Weekend Getaway - No I didn't see Mas Selamat Kestari

The
I went away for the weekend at Bintan - an area the anti-terrorism police is concentrating their search on. I have totally enjoyed the weekend trip near the sea. Prices at Bintan were however higher than I expected. The massages cost the same, if not more expensive than in Singapore. Food prices also equate hotel standard in Singapore, but the Indonesian cuisine was really good!

Initially we were afraid that going to an island just 45 mins away from SG would imply bumping into many Singaporeans. Karen also mentioned that she bumped into her secretary when she went there three years ago. This was however not true - somehow the resort we have chosen had 50% Japanese, 1/6 Singaporeans, 1/6 Koreans, and 1/6 Caucasians. Any place where I can see the horizon - I'll love it. While I believe it is not as beautiful as Bali, the fact that I did not have to take a plane - just a ferry - made the trip very worth it.

Irwin & I enjoyed the time spent at the beach and pool, climbing the rocks and bodysurfing. The peace and tranquaility also offered a good place for our chantings. In fact we went for a full-blown x108 chants per mantra -- haha did we feel powerful.... Somehow pursuing a deeper interest in Buddism in a partnership made the experience more fun and interesting. Without the partnership, it would have been more difficult to embark on... do I feel fortunate ;)

Reading by the sea and pool for the past three days, I finshed the chapter on Potala Mountain... "Only once in a very long while do you obtain this support for freedom and opportunity. Now that you can meet with spiritual friends and practice the sacred Buddhadharma, and supportive circumstances have come together, spend the rest of your life in just this way."

March has been a celebratory month. Irwin and myself had a Tibetan ceremony yesterday, and Auntie Helen celeberated her 60th's birthday with a splash at Regent. Hopefully there will be more to come.

I typically hate to discuss politics, but I think I had enough of hearing about China's governance. China has admitted for the first time that its police have opened fire on Tibetan protestors, but it insisted yesterday that the gunfire was in self-defence.

Fancy finding a rat head packaged in your prawn crackers? You don't have to look that far. China's reputation as an exporter has again taken another beating. Recalls of toothpaste, frozen dumplings, toys tainted with lead, and a pet food ingredient contaminated with toxic chemical have not taught its industry a hard enough lesson..again, history repeats. Here's another recent case, read it yourself, I don't really want to write about it.

Next time you take cash out of your wallet, it might be wiser to check its origin ;)

Extract of Yama Dharmaraja's message (Delog Dawa Drolma)

To all worldly folks:
Having been born in a higher realm, turn your minds to the dharma.
Keep prayer wheels and malas in your hands without cease.
Pursue the recitation of the mani and siddhi mantras as the essence of your speech.
Those of you who have noble motivation and great compassion will not meet me but will go to the pure Realm of Supreme Bliss.

Weird Al Yankovic - White & Nerdy

This week has been very busy at work. What striked my attention and heart was the World news on Olympics clean-up Chinese style: Inside Beijings shocking death camp for cats. Read it and you will know what I mean.

Please sign the petition to stop the slaughter of cats and dogs in China - your signature is important in the fight against this shockingly cruel campaign.

"Animals cannot speak, but can you and I not speak for them and represent them?

Let us all feel their cry of agony and let us all help that cry to be heard in the world." -

- Rukmini Devi Arundale.

a busy but peaceful week

Bobby Heng. I didn't see him for about a week since I was shuttling between the casket and my own home.

Returning back after one week, Bobby suddenly has become more solemn. We were guessing if he was sick; due to old age; or he is sad about some affairs; or maybe one of his friends got killed or died (apparently while being taken for walks, he has been approached by other maids who want to buy him so that their owners can eat him!). Luckily after a week or so, he is back to his old child-like self, jumps around quite a bit, and always asking for a massage even though he is now 10 years old.

At work it was just plain busy. Not only does my team need to do parallel run tests for a new system, the current system started showing signs of hiccups. As a result, I had to work late this week.

Nothing much has happened to me. I did however read an article of great interest from Forbes. 48 Heroes of Philanthropy. The list was put together for the first time by Forbes. Here's an extract "Great fortunes are being made in Asia, and those fortunes are increasingly earmarked for philanthropy. Hong Kong's Li Ka-shing has pledged to leave one-third of his $32 billion fortune to charity. Anil Agarwal has committed $1 billion toward creating a new university in India. Yang Huiyan, China's richest person, and her father, Yeung Kwok Keung, donated $32 million to charities last year, making them the country's biggest givers."

I also went to Kinokuniya, Takashimaya with my colleague. She bought a few fiction books. When she asked me what I am reading now, I said "hmm I dont think it will be books that you will read"... Straightaway she said "Religious stuff"... Indeed! A bit of a boring me, but Lama Shifu passed me this book when Evan and I chauffeured him back from the wake. Here's a little extract of interest (hold tight and don't get scared!):

The hell realm is a projection of hatred and anger and the nonvirtue of killing;

the preta realm, a projection of avarice and craving;

the animal realm, a projection of stupidity;

that of the demigods, a projection of virtue tainted with jealousy;

that of the gods, a projection of virtue tainted with pride;

the human realm, a projection of a mixture of all five poisons combined with at least enough virtue to prevent rebirth in lower realms.

Just remember that no matter how difficult your life is as a human being, there is no comparison between the difficulties here and the miseries in the lower existences - Delog Dawa Drolma

Facing Death -- an unforgettable event for myself.

After an extraordinary struggle in the hospital for four months, Granny passed away peacefully on Feb 12. I appreciate my cousin calling me that morning and telling me calmly "Granny has stopped breathing and her heartbeat has stopped". We all went (dashed) to the hospital.

On the way I felt a sense of relief for her. Even when I stepped in and saw my relatives crying I remained calm. Interestingly, when I left Granny's bed side I started crying too - and I could feel the pain in my heart. I was relieved she was out of this hospital struggle, but at the same time felt pain as she has indeed suffered quite a bit on the hospital bed. On the bright side, she had her children and grandchildren by her side almost daily!

Illness happens. It is not something exceptional; it is part of nature and a part of life. Of course we have every right to avoid illness and pain, but in spite of that effort, when illness happens it is better to accept it. While you should make every effort to cure it as soon as possible, you should have no mental burden. -- Dalai Lama. As the great Indian scholar Shantideva has said:" If there is a way to overcome the suffering, then there is no need to worry; if there is no way to overcome the suffering, then there is no use in worrying." That kind of rational attitude is quite useful.

From Feb 12 onwards, I have been sleeping at the Singapore Casket on four chairs, a sleeping bag, a pillow and an eye mask till Feb 16. Yes my back is aching when I laugh now. Actually my relatives and I did kinda relieve ourselves during this period - some brought along their helicopters to fix, their laptops to surf/ work on, and we did spend some good time catching up. No doubt, it was also emotional, mental and physical hard work, re-arranging the tables and chairs every morning and before bedtime; not having to brush our teeth or wash our face as frequent as usual; bringing out the peanuts, sweets and drinks when guests arrive; collecting and recording the White Gold (yes it was my responsibility); and any other administrative responsbilities my parents or relatives might command.

On a spiritual note, I understand death and the wake process better now. We were also lucky to have invited Lama Shifu on 15 and 16 to come pray for Granny and we know she is now better taken care of. Lama Shifu also reminded us not to cry so that Granny can go in peace. That gave us strength to try to understand the death process from a Buddhist viewpoint and made us all calmer.

The ceremony ended on Feb 17. May I suggest that wake ceremonies do not employ a band in future. The band played such sad music that most of my cousins, relatives and guests started crying! It was in a way, emotions induced by the sorrow music - even my young cousin said "No more bands in future please".

All three families were united in making this ceremony as smooth as possible - although I am now more interested to find out what procedures are really necessary from a Buddhist viewpoint; and what are merely "for show". I am happy that Granny has accepted Lama Shifu's help and she has moved on and relief herself of any unfinished business she felt she has. Over the next 49 days, there will be more prayers for her, and donations made in her name as she moves on to her next realm.

The Choong's power combined

Quite evident in the Choong's family & relatives. Why do I say this? It has been quite a rollar coaster emotional ride for all in the family tree. To-date Granny has been in the hospital for four months now. We started out hopeful, but many of us are both physically and emotionally tired out now.

Some colleagues would say about their Chinese New Year's plan "Ahh its the same every year"... Well, I couldn't say the same this year. I do wish it could have been the same, but no, my family had a new challenge this lunar new year.

We gathered at Granny's bed on Reunion Dinner night. Had dinner at Uncle Jason's house later and I went off to a prayer session with Lama Shifu and chanted till 12am.

First day of Lunar New Year - Chu Yi - we received a call early that "Granny doesn't look good". All of us hurried down. We had a family meeting; deciding whether she should go back to ICU (where her body would basically be artifically maintained by machines - and only the family members can tell the doctor to remove the tubes eventually - i.e. someone has to say "please pull out the tubes"); or take on a minor operation (which any human can see that her body cannot withstand another operation no matter how minor). We drew a flowchart; and decided that she shouldn't have to go through either.

We invited Lama Shifu down to say some prayers for her - a notion many in the family probably felt weird initially - but it had the effect of calming all of us down; and getting us to a stage of accepting death and impermanence.

Second day of Lunar New Year - Chu Er - we gathered at 10am in the hospital to visit her. This time, we also brought along donations which we would like to contribute on her behalf.

At this difficult time, I realized that hey having a religion is really important. Rather than just standing and staring beside her; why not learn a word of chant or two - which can help her to lessen her suffering. It has become a helpful, life-enhancing conditioning for myself.

I have to admit I feel exhuasted; just like everyone in my family tree. I really couldn't bring myself to work for these two days (yes I was supposed to work).

Luckily I have a very supportive fiance, future mother-in-law, and a family tree where all work together to make the best decision without any unnecessary conflicts. In a way I feel fortunate.